Run No: 423 - 14 Jul 07 - ASSES END - A to B: Ka Ho Village to Cheok Van Beach

ASSES END

We gathered at Sam Seng Temple in Ka Ho in solemn mood to say our farewells to Assend. Luckily Assend wasn’t in a solemn mood: he was obviously glad to see the back of us, so that was the end of the solemn bit. It was lovely to gather by a seaside temple on a balmy Saturday afternoon apart from the docks, power station, incoming aircraft, passing concrete trucks.....


It being an A to B run, we dumped our gear in the van for Beer Queer to take to B. Unfortunately the hares had forgotten to tell him where B was, so we set off in the hope that the van would be there before us. Mind you, there wasn’t much chance of it: we found out later that the hares had had to call Beer Queer twice to find out where A was. Is this the first time in hashing history that the hares couldn’t even find their own start?

It got worse, much worse. We wound our way up the back road through Ka Ho to the lane dropping into Scrap Valley, where we merrily picked our way through the creepers, brambles and clouds of waiting mosquitoes, who must have thought they’d died and gone to heaven. “We don’t get many humans through here, most of them aren’t that stupid”. “Shut up and keep sucking, it’s the Hash, you’ll have to double up your intake to make up for the alcohol and all the other crap”.

We scrambled up the escape route onto the road, to be faced by a giant arrow and the word “UP’ on the cliff under Golf Buggy Bridge, so we dutifully scrambled up there to be confronted by a check-back. Hang on a minute... oh, never mind. We scattered out to find the trail, and were indeed scattered by the time we found anything resembling one. A few grains of flour were spotted in the gully on the road up to the picnic site, and ½ kilometre later, we spotted the ON ON leading up the steps into the hills.

It turned out that there had been a run on the Macau Flour Market the week before, so we can’t really blame the hares for only managing to find 100 grammes for this week’s trail.

Up we went, with Cum Shot as FRB for the day. With flour every 500 metres and Cum Shot’s unerring lack of instinct for the correct trail, it worked out very well. Whichever direction he shot off in, we simply headed the other way and he’d catch us up later. We just had to make sure he got in front again before the next check.

And so it went on, leapfrogging along the front of the hills above Hac Sa and up the steps to the Ah Mah statue. Not much leaping there: you could hear the groans as all of us would-be fitness fanatics inched our way up, then up again to the radar, and then down, down to the check at Six Ways. Around the back loop over Coloane Village we went in search of flour, and on to the steps leading down to the Pousada de Coloane.

Ah, those steps... We spotted Sheik Mimi on the way back up them, having checked some 200 metres down and found nothing, but with all other options crossed off we had to try again, and sure enough, almost at the bottom there was this cute little baby ‘on on’ scrawled on a tree trunk. There’d obviously been a run on the chalk market too.

So down we went, over the road and down the back stairs of the Pousada. By now the more experienced hashers had a vague inkling of where B might be. Unfortunately, just before the hotel pool the trail veered off to the right and lost itself in what’s left of the Cheok Van jungle. After scrambling around for a while, St. Peter, the Sheik and Nancy Boy fixated on the knowledge that beer was definitely near and probably on the beach, and so we duly gave up.

We sat around at the beach waiting for the stragglers. Shit House called in on his mobile(!!) to tell us he was lost. Having guided him in we wished we’d left him out there as he spent the rest of the time whingeing about the lack of flour, the lack of hash spirit in not breaking the checks and whatever else took his fancy. At least that was a better performance than Bear Down There’s, who didn’t make it in at all, having jumped in a taxi and headed back to Ka Ho to pick up her car.

The circle was the usual fiasco, the hares being duly punished for anything that could be dreamt up in the heat of the moment. We were introduced to 2 new hashers: Sheik Mimi, who has moved here from Pattaya, mumbling something along the lines of “Please, no more massages...”, and Todd, who fixes planes as well as flying them - not at the same time, I hope (perhaps we could call him Wing Wa*ker or something equally unsuitable). He has arrived from Taiwan and we forgot to punish him for living there for 3 years and not hashing once.

And of course we said Bai Bai to Assend. Come back soon... did you pay your Hash Cash?

Anyway, enough of this drivel.

ON ON!



And on to a much more important message...
Maria had just got married, and being a traditional Italian girl she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was very nervous. Her mother reassured her: "Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you. Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and said, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Maria," said her mother, "all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you." So up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you."
So up she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his socks and to Maria’s surprise his left foot was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!"
Her Mama said, "Stay here and stir the pasta."

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