Run No: 431 - 8 Sep 07 - Taipa Village Church - HK Ladies' pilgrimage


The Ladies come again in the land of tarts

It's not even Christmas, and we have 2 hash trashes this week!!

It's strange how two human minds can come up with different memories of events.
And then we have hash scribes....

CUNTER ASS THOMPSON’S MEMORY....

Much like a slumbering garden that thaws and awakens with life a new come the first day of spring, the TMH3 continued the pattern of the last 3 weeks with the ending of Summer. Familiar faces have returned, The temperatures have threatened to cool from 30 degrees to 29.9, and even the migrating geese...errr teachers rather, have returned home to roost for the school year, and as the hash began a drunken life a new, we even welcomed a couple virgins. And of course, while the summer begins to wind down, the Blood Alcohol Content of the hashers continue to rise rise rise.

And this great hash was made even better by being joined by the lovely harriettes who of the Hong Kong Ladies' Hash who leaped across the lake for a hash weekend on the road in celebration and Honor (rather OnOn-or!) their departing fellow hasher, Virginia.

At this week's hash, we had the most of the usual suspects back with Grandad and Shithouse apparently camping out overnight at A (in order to secure our spot no doubt) as they were there prior to 3:45. Also Shithouse's, Just Danny was back in high spirits having been a racist with Glenfiddich last week, he came back for blood (and beer) this week. Other noted returnees were Nancy Boy, who returned from backsliding the last 2 weeks in Italy, and Just Sandy who returned from Detroit Rock City. As previously mentioned we also had two virgins of Macy (spelling/pronunciation gods please be merciful) and Rebecca who had cum to the hash by themselves on the recommendation of an ex TMH3 hasher from 2 years ago. What brave (and trusting) souls!

**It must be noted that unfortunately the hares' ingenious combination of a great trail, virgin territory, and the golden nectar has made my memory fuzzy on the names of the lovely harriettes of the Hong Kong Ladies' Hash (LHHKLHHH for those who enjoy abbreviations). While a few names I believe have managed to dodge both the Tsing-Tao and the Carlsburg, apologies are owed to those who I am unable to call out in this write up. I will drink accordingly in reparations (wait a minute...I believe the term 'a vicious downward spiral' might apply here).

But by my uneducated estimate, there was in the neighborhood of 8 Lovely Harriettes of the HKLHHH as well as one more manly, less lovely harrier. They had just come off of a morning's trail down on Coloane (which meant the trail had more steps than an AA program and more burning thighs than a Kentucky Fried Chicken on fire). While reports are still coming in, it appears that while their entire pack was victorious on the initial trail, the HKLHHH's pack split their efforts for the afternoon between battling the TMH3 trail while the remainder of their contingent was battling the bar for dominance and bragging rights (and God Speed to them on that mission...That Johnny Walker has been known to fight dirty!). But yes, the HKLH3 showed up in matching (and exceptionally clean looking!) Tshirts with abundant smiles in a display of outstanding hash behavior by tackling their second trail on a second island in the day (no word yet if they went for the island trifecta and hashed on Macau as well...).

So the two packs mingled and exchanged niceties much like two stray dogs meeting in an alley behind OTT. Helping to add social lubrication was the remaining 40 Jello Shots from last weeks' TMH3 hash which disappeared quite quickly after some instruction for those new to the delicacy. (Hasher's note to self - OnOnor to both packs' members for the outstanding hash behavior drinking before trail! I know now that the hash likes their Hard A before trail!)

The two hares for the day, Nasiturd and Virgin Hare: B(e)ar(e) Down There, showed up in high spirits and while the pack tried to entice the two into Jello Shots, the hares chuckled, had a Cigarette and a Pocari respectively, gave a quick chalk talk (including a new mark that looked like they were starting to write the periodic table's entry for Hydrogen) and they were off.

It should also be noted that the chalk talk explicitly said that all checks were open ones, yet the only one drawn was a closed one, this contradictory check theme was carried out the day.

The Walkers took off followed by the Runners, who headed down the stairs to the North and took everyone through the Portuguese-esque architecture of the Taipa Village to the rear plaza where the first check confounded the pack for a good three minutes. Like the mercury from a broken thermometer, the pack spread out and wandered aimlessly, until the first mark was found down the alley to the West and the pack wrapped around the OTT and immediately hit another check that was marked closed but in reality true trail was laid North between the Eskimo Cafe and Mickey D's before taking a sharp left along the fence line.

True trail spit us on across the big road across from the military outpost (we're still waiting for the best trail of the year which does an ON-THROUGH that place) and on East as the sky became increasingly darker. As we progressed it got so dark that the sun was blotted out completely and the pack was cursing the hares for not telling them to bring torches. For true trail led right up into the eclipsing shadow of the 2nd largest building (by square footage) in the world (and with that, the largest structure possible (by square footage) to lay a hash through as #1 is the Boeing Airplane Factory in Everett, WA and being both military and civilian construction takes place there, they really frown on the hash entering there). Yes, the hash was approaching the brand new Venetian. And there was the virgin hare, B(e)ar(e) Down There, standing with a envelope marked D-H-L. DHL? what does that stand for? Deceitful Hare Lies? Daring Hashing Legends? Divine Harriettes' Legs? Regardless, the Hares' wicked plan was quickly revealed as while B.D.T stood there like one of Odysseus' Sirens and slung verbal lashings like "What took you so long?" to draw the hashers near...the pack failed to see that she was surrounded on three sides by extremely fresh wet cement... I can speak for myself by saying that there is at least one sized 10.5 hash footprint on the Venetian property now :). Their plan having succeeded, the hare produced an ONON map of trail that went through the largest building in Asia and presumably virgin trail (While I don't know if it was done before, it either involved swimming a fair bit or dodging multiple construction security guards). A big tip of the hat to the hares for this great surprise on trail. After setting off through the casino, the immense size of the building alone forced the pack to setup a base camp and attempt to make for the opposite side in the morning. Many Moons later, the pack emerged on the other side of the casino, sans security guards (who in their yellow uniforms that matched the most recent TMh3 shirt, looked like they were all set to join us). The pack scattered about seeking the foretold check outside the Venetian and even resorted into consulting Nancy Boy about the layout of the front of his own Casino, but apparently 9 months of construction can tend to change the lay of the land a bit.

Eventually the check was found and solved as the pack headed North off the Cotai to the R/W split where the Walkers (I believe) headed N-NW and on home while the Runners hit two more closed (but really open) checks and stumbled about until they found trail headed due East of the Bus Stop stand in the Circle and towards the university. A mere 400 meters further, another closed (but open) check was hit, and while the pack gathered and scattered looking for true trail like a startled flock of starlings, a looming figure came out of the sun with a rather large backpack on his back...it was Captain! Where he came from, we do not know. Presumably he swam over with his bicycle in tow via a strap held in his teeth Jack Loulane style and he then check Coloane and Macau before finding us on Taipa. But it was great to see him back on trail, as we all know, it is better to cum late than not cum at all. But alas, even with his help, true trail evaded the runners but after exhausting the 3 marked directions of the check, true trail was eventually found to be south, around the back of the University and up the other side and on towards the airport.

For a large majority of the trail there were many different FRBs due to check solving, the position of the stars, and varying levels of sobriety. For a large part of it, one of our virgin hashers, Rebecca was revealed as being the current gold medal holder for Drunken Soccer (word is she is going to defend her title at the East Asia games) as well as one of the HKLH3 ladies.. Cap? (I think??? sorry, some three letter name!) were leading the pack along. But then again, there was the Mortal Dan-E who was spotted running parallel to trail as we went up over the airport flyover. Now the hares, had specific trail instructions marked on trail, and while it was tried to be yelled to Danny and Captain, who was close behind, the Macau traffic drowned it out and then continued onon off trail, but on a hell of a great shortcut as those SCBs made it back on in.

True trail went up the airport flyer and then into hotel china with instructions to use the lift...the only problem is not what floor. After reconnering 2 different floors with a spectacular failure of this hasher's cantonese skills (apparently 'Pardon me miss housekeeper, do you know which way is true trail?' is not pronounced as 'Ng Goi'), as well as walking through two lobbies with enough musty mildew smell that they made the framboise of a sweaty hasher smell superior in comparison, true trail was found on the 9th floor and on out and across, above the pool, and on trail up the hill towards the Weather Observatory with another dastardly check.

The pack solved it (with a tip of the hat to the hares for an excellent laying of the mark just far enough that you couldn't see it from the top), and continued on the path back around to the East and back towards the Venetian and Cotai strip. The Angel on top of the highest spire bouncing over the treetops as the pack continued along the trail. The trail came around and gave the visiting ladies another great angle vista of the Venetian, the Cotai strip, and B (with visible walkers already on in and drinking!) before coming to a check directly above B. So using hash logic and remembering that we have lots of DownDowns and not too many UpUps...the pack did just that and went downdown the steps, on across the road, and up the cobblestones to A/B.

Circle commenced quickly as the runners came in almost simultaneously (another (vulgar and double entendre) nod to the hares for a sign of a great trail). There were many worthy down downs, the plank was introduced to the ladies of the HKLH3 with two round of Icy cold golden nectar, Sheik Mimi did an outstanding job of leading some hash hymns, Tight Clip (sp?) told us some stories, and much like a learning driver's car with two steering wheels, Nasiturd courteously relented Circle Master to Legolass, the GM from the HKLH3, to make sure her pack members' transgressions and downdowns were appropriately doled out. While TMH3 circle rules were enforced and even one on her head beer was experienced, it is hoped it was taken in good humor and if nothing else, that beer makes an outstanding shampoo for increasing hair luster and softness (seriously, google it!). With such a huge circles, downdowns were limited to two a piece, but thanks to Grandad's Mastery of BeerMeistery and Pubic Plucker's great greasing of the armor, the packs' thirsts were sated, the sober inundated, and the accused punished accordingly.

Legolass even revealed to the pack that Nasi will strip for a free tshirt (Scooterbabe's known this for years!), and with Nasi sporting a wicked collared HKLH3 shirt, Legolass returned the effort, and was rewarded with one of the TMH3's wicking yellow shirts.

The Circle ended and some of the pack retired to the Irish bar for Rugby viewing and the best kind of dinner, the liquid kind, while the Ladies of the HKLH3 went to rejoin the rest of their pack in finishing off Norman's Bar. And that brought the trail to a close. It was a great hashing day with a great turnout by both Kennels. Here's to the two new TMH3 hashers, the returning members, and the lovely harriettes of the HKLH3, it would be a great treat to do this again (and hopefully more often than a full 52 weeks away!).

On - I'll see you gentlemen on the beach - On

Cunter Ass Thompson


....AND NOW FOR NANCY BOY'S VERSION OF EVENTS

Ladies come again in the land of tarts

Things started pretty well at the church: Cunter Ass had brought along some jello shots he had left over from the All-A merican Hash, which we gratefully gobbled to get into the mood. Oh, that reminds me: the Hong Kong Ladies were there on their annual pilgrimage, along with the Flying Bollock and a couple of fresh virgins, so off we all headed for Old Taipa village looking for some action. Sure enough, when we got there, there were ladies loitering on every street corner 'searching for flour ', or so they said. Well, we weren't having any of that in our village so we fanned out (it was a hot day), and a mere 10 minutes later we found a few grains and were back on trail.

Somebody had to do it, and our illustrious hares made certain that they were the first to set a trail through the Venetian. Demonstrating their understanding of the average hasher 's intellectual powers , we were presented at the back door with a handy little map to guide us along the perfectly straight line to the front door. Next time we'll se t a check on one of the tables and see what happens.

The check outside the front door presented us with the choice of heading for the hill or down the Cotai Duststrip, and there was no damn way I was running all the way down there again. The hares obviously shared the sentiment, and treated us instead to a re -run of Lost in Space's famous mystery tour of the university grounds. A seat of learning it is and every time we pay a visit we leave with a more thoroughly intimate knowledge of every blade of grass, scrap of old metal and lump of misplaced concrete. The only thing we never find there is flour.

It didn't take us long to get into the usual mess, but once we'd cleaned ourselves up, things started moving swiftly, which was a bit unfortunate with no toilet in sight . Long-range scouting expeditions led to far-off cries of 'Flour ' every so often, and so it was that we somehow found ourselves on the ramp leading to the airport departures lounge. 'Gosh, this is going to be a long run ', we thought, but our hares missed this opportunity to set the longest A to B the world h as ever seen and sent us up in the China Hotel lift instead to the rear entry. 'Where are the bags?' asked the receptionist. 'Oh, they're running along behind ' we replied as we sped past.

Perhaps the hares were planning to give us a go on the Macau Eye? No again: we panted up the hill and around the bend for a view of the Strip. Nasi Turd always makes go around the bend. And talking about strips, I believe that ' s the last thing Bolton Bollocks remembers from the previous night, before unconsciously claiming the world record for the shortest -ever taxi ride: all of 20 metres from the Irish Bar to the Taipa Square Hotel.

But I digress - I do it quite often actually - so back to the excitement of the Hash. Where was I? Oh yes, being at the top, it was downhill all the way from there , and before we knew it we were back at the church for a Hash blessing. That's when there's more beer spilt and thrown than there is water in the font. I wonder what t he resident thinks of the loutish behaviour that regularly graces his doorstep.

This day was no exception. I saw ladies being abused right there in front of the church, and being no slouches when it came to abusing the odd man in return. Since we're all odd, they abused all of us. D own-downs were administered without due care and attention (it's hard when you're being abused), and of course this led to pandemonium, which always happens when the Hash suddenly discovers that it has run out of beer. Like an upturned anthill, grown men scurried about, and wept as they opened the last cooler to find it empty save for a can of coke and a drowned cockroach.

The benediction was over. W e said goodbye to the ladies and Bolton Bollocks. If I remember correctly, those weren't the exact words we used. 'Come again?' we said. 'Not with you lot', they replied, 'W e’re just having a treasure hunt tomorrow' . Oddly enough, as I was doing a little trail scouting on Coloane Hill the next day, I came upon what must have been the 'treasure hunt' route, and the checks, back-checks, on-on's and LH4 markings did look strangely akin to a hash trail...

ON ON

Nancy Boy

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