Run No: 439 - 27 OCT 07 - The Ballad of Pestiferous Zoxide* - Jockey Club to Irish Bar

Run #439

The Ballad of Pestiferous Zoxide*

Hare: Sheik Meme

The aroma of manure lingered in the air as the pack gathered at the entrance to the Jockey Club. It was either the lingering reminders of last night's horse races or the first hints of the hare's mischievous trail full of hare Bullshit.

The pack found the box by following the glimmering shimmer of light that as the glare faded, was revealed to be the hare's shiny thighs as Sheik Meme was liberally applying vaseline to his thighs and humming to himself "I am a pretty hare, I am a pretty hare.." as he continued to rub his thighs.

Sheik MeMe's tantric self indulgence was shattered when he realized that like Superman without his cape or Batman without the boywonder, he had forgotten his magical electrical tape. As he cried out in desperation wondering how he could ever complete the hare as a mere mortal without his superpower endowed electrical tape of justice, there was a deafening thunderclap and the smell of fine scotch wafted through the air as Glennfiddich appeared out of nowhere. And with his booming voice said "ne'er fear! I 'appen to know where to get ya some tape!" and with a flash, Glennfiddich was off to his fortress of solitude, the Irish Bar, provider of all good things. He returned with the glowing roll of electrical tape that made Sheik Meme's eyes light up with joy. Sheik gladly took the roll and noted that while it didn't match his outfit, it would still certainly do the job.

So the hare was taped up tighter than a 19th century corset, was saddled with a mysteriously light backpack, and given a slap in the ass and he was off. The pack stood around and mingled amongst themselves. Some notable returnees were Hasher Tracy (who was later deemed to be nameworthy at the next hash, so get your drunken minds a thinking), Hasher Luke (who is getting close to a naming himself), Hasher Albert and his lovely harriette wife (apologies, this halfmind is too sober to remember her name right now). It also should be noted that the vehicle they showed up (late) to the box on resembled last week's two wheeled conveyance, but seemed to be missing a couple 100 cc's in the engine. Hasher Nissa (another hasher who should be getting nervous about receiving a name very soon) and Hooker No Sing made a return to the hash (and hashed impressively with earrings on!), Pestiferous Zoxide* (*more on the this later) made his second showing having completed his transplanting , and Lead Belly brought his wife and son out to experience the joy and magic of the TMH3. Also as previously mentioned, as it was a full moon the previous night, Glennfiddich emerged from hash hibernation and came out to terrorize the pack and ensure the hare didn't get too comfortable on the trail.

So the Eski's were loaded in Granddad's Mini-B Van while Pubic Plucker and Hasher Tracy arrived in their chauffeured Mini Convertible and the pack was complete with a noteworthy number of I believe 15, but more impressively the lad to ladies mix was 8 to 7, quite a good showing by the fine harriettes!

Trail set out West around the Jockey Club with the first check seemingly an afterthought as it was past the normal sidewalk turnoff and was on the sidewalk between grass and the wall. But it did its job as Glennfiddich and Cunter wandered through traffic like lost kittens looking for the non existent trail. Meanwhile Nancyboy stuck true to his affection for the sidewalk and was FRBing it on true trail with Hasher Luke in close pursuit. Trail wrapped around the Racetrack to the now infamous traffic circle between the Jockey Club and the Stadium where we were thoroughly lost last time we came through here (HEY! wait a minute, that was Sheik MeMe (and Public Plucker) trail as well!) and interestingly enough, true trail I believe headed East on the bricks, just like Sheik MeMe and Pubic Plucker's last dastardly trail did! However this trail, turned off into the alley just before the Village before dropping in, past the OTT, on through and out back to a nice three way check below the chuch on the hill, the hare was showing off his genius as true trail took us down, past the colonial houses, around the old Taipa bay, and back out to in front of the Venetian where there was another well placed check. Another round of flashbacks of SM & PP's previous trail ensued where we saw Gump take off on a lone pilgrimage off trail for who knows what reason while Long Drop was the lone hasher on trail. Hasher Luke, Glennfiddich, and Cunter Ass Thompson all reached this check and ruled out all possible directions except the VIP limo entrance to the garage...Sure enough, there was a healthy dob of flour leading up and at the gate, one security guard and one judicial police (lost in playing his PSP, but a police none the less), apparently the hare upset the Venetian a little bit :). So it was deduced that the parking garage had to let out to the East, so the halfminds paralleled trail and picked it up as it came out of the construction site.

It should be mentioned dear reader, that many of the dobs on this trail bore a stunning resemblance to a pile of moth dandruff or a snowball made by a mosquito as there was a fierce conservation of flour on trail and it was later revealed at the ONIN that the hare laid the entire trail with only 1.8k of flour (that's three of those small bags for those of us that never bothered to learn to count). A down down worthy feat, but also impressive in that he was able to do it and still get the entire pack on home.

Anyways, back on trail, we rounded the large roundabout north of the Ventian and circumnavigated it to the North-East along the College where up on the horizon, the unmistakable blur of a snazzy burnt crimson Taichung hash shirt from last week on a one Pestiferous Zoxide* coming down the Learning Drivers' hill and headed North. In amazement, the three FRBs wondered where the hell he came from (also note that Nasiturd claimed to be with this halfmind on his rogue mission, but he must of been in cloaked mode as he was never seen, the first of two possible pack lies that day from our fair trustworthy GM ;) ) Anyways, he was set upon and chased as he must of been on something to be blazing so fast. Sadly, his Hong Kong Homing instinct must of been in full effect as while he was headed towards the airport, he crossed to the Westside of the road and was unable to hear the pack yelling at him "R U?". Finally he was caught up with underneath the airport flyover where the question was immediately administered: "Where the heck are you going?" followed quickly by "Where are you coming from?". Before he could answer, a polygraph machine was quickly hooked up, a syringe of sodium pentothal jabbed in his arm, and a bright light shone in his face. Pestiferous Zoxide* quickly said "Well, I saw a check above the China Hotel this morning". Now this could only mean five things

a) The Hare did a dead-lay
b) Pestiferous Zoxide* was psychic
c) Pestiferous Zoxide* was an overachieving bastard and was out running prior to the hash (and running up by the China hotel none the less for god knows why)

d) Pestiferous Zoxide* was living up to his name and making absolutely no sense
e) All of the above

So the FRB pack was now a size of 4 and being underneath the flyover on the wrong side of the road was not the most convenient place to get to the China Hotel....After jumping a construction fence and trying unsuccessfully to beeline it straight to the hotel, Cunter thought he knew the way to the road to Hotel China and headed Northwest, while Glennfiddich, New Boot Luke, and Pestiferous Zoxide* wrapped around South, the correct way to China Hotel. Cunter Ass, being the (dumb) Ass that he is, soon passed the powerplant and realized his error, but decided to gamble and push on to the 300 steps of the graveyard to catch the road above. Which he did and got lucky to find true trail. Well, find is not exactly the word...having seen no flour at all in either direction, he headed back towards the hotel, figuring the check must of gone the other way, but was surprised to see the Tres Amigos with legs churning coming his way saying that this was definitely true trail...after finding a couple more sneezes of flour over the next 200 metres, it turned out to be true and trail then came to a check that led the pack up the stairs to the trail above. Where they were met with a big "FT". Now, the hare, deciding to have skipped chalk talk, left this alien mark upto the pack to interpret...various theories were postulated with some favorites being F*ck The (hare), Follow Through, Frisky Trail (ahead), Follow The (yellow brick trail). But alas this academic endeavor was shattered by the appearance of Nasiturd and Scooterbabe coming around the mountain (when she comes!). At this point, a trail trial by Jury was done and the mutinous ever growing pack decided to like a rebellious prom date, refuse to go down, and kept on pushing ahead on a trail that did have two droplets of flour...whether they were bird turds or true trail is a debatable point as they were the same size, but eventually the pack came around to the 6 way trail intersection above the water tank where they decided, like a frisky prom date, to go down and see what they could find. They tore down the hill where flour was immediately found in front of the recycling bins (what a thoughtful hare to recycle his bottle). It was deduced that true trail really just came down the hill behind the graveyard, but refusing to be discouraged, Hasher Luke found true trail and led us back to the roundabout where Hasher Luke promptly announced that he was going home (WTF?? down downable offense indeed!). So the pack pushed on true trail North, followed trail across the flyover and zig zagged through the city to the gates of the temple, which the back was being closed as I approached.

Having lost trail, I wandered about, while Glennfiddich broke out his handy Crampons and Absailing gear and climbed both gates (we're waiting to see if the gods are going to smite him for this or not). I eventually found trail out back and unbeknownsgt to me, cut off a large part of trail as I ended up following it back on home into the Irish Bar. Nasi and Scooterbabe came in a short time after, while Glennfiddich continuing on true trail, out the back of the Temple, up Little Taipa hill, a somersault and a backflip, and then back down and around on in to The Irish Bar.

While half the pack didn't make it past the temple and wandered on in, as night fell on the island, Lead Belly began thinking of ways to spend his insurance claim as well as how he was going to explain losing 2/3 of his family on trail. Eventually the wife and son-of-LeadBelly came on in having, successfully conquered the entire trail (even finding flour from Nancy Boy and MiniMe's trail two weeks ago!).

Circle was called and down downs were given. Grandad, had come to the hash in his TMH3 Tuxedo and looked quite well dressed for the occasion. The inaugural usage of the fantastic TMH3 Next Run announcement board outside the Irish Bar was admired, and down downs were saved for Lost in Space for bailing out of haring this week. There was a large departure of 5 hashers before circle even began, but their down downs were given to the hare who kept claiming he had to get to a wedding reception, but we all know that sober and composed is no way to go through a wedding nuptial event, so the down downs continued on unrelented. NancyBoy received the commendable hash behavior award of the night for coming hashing, completing the entire trail (although he did fail to soak through one last remaining 10cm square part of his shirt), coming to circle, and then going to the airport, checking in for his Vaca flight, then returning to the wedding celebration at the OTT, before returning to the airport to board his flight, very nice behavior indeed!!!

Nasi and Scooterbabe did an interpretive Ballet Dance together, grass seeds were plucked from clothing much like a communal ape colony grooming each other, and the local eatery owners were serenaded and given tasty beverages for giving us a very nice trash bag to use.

Pestiferous Zoxide* was also given downdowns several times for playing with himself through his pocket, and it was perhaps these down downs that elicited a very interesting hash confession immediately after circle. A very interesting fact came to light about our dear Pestiferous Zoxide*. This halfmind committed a grave grave hash offense when he first appeared to the hash six weeks ago. He claimed to be a transplant from Hong Kong and introduced himself as Reign. Little did we know that this was his Mortal Name! He continued to tell us that his hash name was Pestiferous Zoxide* which was earned and he was duly named at his previous hash. Who knows how to spell it, but a hash name is a hash name and one is stuck with it until they give us enough suitable fodder to deserve a renaming. A down down is due to Pestiferous Zoxide for this hash offense indeed!

Sadly, much of the circle claimed they had to stop drinking at the circle and leave so they could get ready to go drinking at the OTT.

So circle was wrapped up, the hare made to drink one more time for good measure, and then the hash was called to an end and was deemed a successful one.

Until Next week

On - Who knew that God went to bed at 6pm? - On
-Cunter Ass Thompson


A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

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