444 - The Triple Death Run

Scribe: Sheik Meme

Hares: Nancy Boy & Fishy Fingers

'Twas a wonderful Saturday PM where the troops gathered at Coloane Village by the Anchor for the much anticipated Nancy Boy and Fishy Fingers r*n.

The action was a plenty with the guest appearance by Constant Wanker and the rumours that Granddad was going to r*n this very day!

Titianna brought along one of her minions, as she required someone to carry her mountain bike up the stairs while checking the handy work of the Hares prior to the actual r*n. This guy will possibly never cum back to the Hash, so what I say from here on in is guised in the belief that he will never be in a position to bestow on me a down down! The guy ( Tittie, you can pick em!), could not drink, sat during the circle and never got in front of Mini Me on the r*n! Before the r*n commenced, he was careful to explain that he knew nothing about mobile phones, prior to launching into a fifteen minute epitaph on the pro's and con's of some bloody I phone and no one really gave a shit about. It was suggested that we should now ban any discussions of the mobile phone on the Hash and it is rumoured that a petition will be delivered to the GM within weeks.

Shithouse was in flying form with the excitement of not r*nning the Hash and being responsible for Grandad's position of maintaining the booze. Attired in a new Hash shirt which was also sported by Nancy Boy, which had striking resemblances to the Hong Kong Hells Angles shirts. This shirt looked exceptionally well on the Shithouse and he was pronounced Hash Heavy for the day, with his sleeveless skull shirt and comical upper limbs giving Shithouse a very mean disposition.

Constant Wanker was sharing his Grandmothers advise of drinking your own urine, because it is good for your lips! That will do me!! Dick!

Scooter Babe and Nasi Turd were talking about the Christmas party for the choir and I am, sure they were contemplating leaving before the r*n had actually started! And, they both focused on leaving for the remainder of the hash.

Circle called, Nancy Boy gave his directions for the r*n which included the terms Rambo sections, no less than four walkers/runners splits, if you can't do it, don't do it and if it gets to dark! Well, one could only guess what was cumming.

And yet again, the hashes filled with fear and trepidation made their way past the dry docks with Sheik MeMe, in bed the night prior before midnight, leading the way to total confusion. A total of three check backs on the very first check goes to show that Nancy Boy has way to much time on his hands. The confusion was compounded when Roger And Out, started raving about stupidity and Pubic Plucker suddenly disappearing through an open gate in the prison!

Just in time, Saint Peter finds flour up over the hill and away we went.

Double Zero Eight was spotted several times on trail at blistering pace with a determination to catch the FRB's of Constant Wanker, Nasi Turd (can you believe it again!) St Peter and Sheik MeMe.

Poztiferious was in poor form, wallowing in the rear and graciously allowing all others to r*n the checks.

The first five checks were r*n with passion and vigour by Roger and Out , this was until Roger and Out struck the biggest check back on trail with Colonic Irrigation , in which they reported was two point five k's long! They sadly never made it back to the front again.

To that end, and an utter disgrace, Poztiferious and Roger And Out confessed to retreating from the Rambo trail having begun same when the dire warnings of the Hare rung in their ears and quickly fled the terror of the hostile virgin trail, in search of the comfort of the walkers and to witness Double Zero Eight flash by and maybe, just maybe get a glimpse of Granddad on trail!

For the record, the Rambo Trail was tougher than anticipated, with spiders, slithering snakes and as commented by Constant Wanker, "this is SAS training country"! There were only four hashes that completed this section which possibly took the Hare several hours to lay and as the Hare found out, there was no turning back! Nasi Turd undertook the trail with gusto, following St Peter, who hung himself on vines and just would not stay down. St Peter slowing the FRB of Nasi Turd whilst trying not to get his shoes wet. Meanwhile Constant Wanker is out in front dreaming of a career in the armed forces. Following Constant Wanker was Sheik MeMe, just there to watch the Constant Wanker fall on his arse at least twenty times. Hilarious!

At the end of the river trek, these FRB's cum to a cave with a small entrance that ran for some distance in total darkness, again through water, which was home to rat's, spiders and many creatures not yet seen on National Geographic's! Constant Wanker, grazed, wet and shaken, took one look and was seen fleeing in the opposite direction mumbling something that bear a resemblance to "NO FU*KEN WAY!".

Back on the Roger and Out trail, the Hares had cleverly brought the pack back together again at yet another confusing check. Pubic Plucker had ran so fast in search of the ever determined Double Zero Eight, that the long check was completed prior to the torn and shattered FRB's having made it to this impromptu regroup.

Tittiana was now warm and r*nning hard, albeit in the wrong direction, possibly following Double Zero Eight, possibly with the excited anticipation of spotting Granddad trotting along (possibly in the wrong direction also) in the valley floor below.

At the two hour mark, most hashes would have confessed that a good r*n was had, but now the Hare was not satisfied, he continued, not to let any Hasher complete the r*n without covering every square meter of Coloane.

The B site was well selected, in the dark, until some former GM's made the executive decision to position the worn Hashes by the dunny, and the scintillating BBQ aroma as we waited for Scooter Babes Hash snacks, and partook of some adult beverages. All except for the Constant Wanker who confessed that he was saving himself as he knew he was going to get punished for being a Harriett at the dark end of the Rambo trail.

As soon as Scooter Babe arrived from th r*n, the GM finished saying his goodbye's to his faithful hashes, as they had promised to be at a f*#*e* choir Christmas function, which was way more important than leading this struggling little pack of worn torn hashes through some cleansing ales and cheerful songs.

It was Scooter Babes Hash snacks, that we never had, that spawned the guilt of leaving these helpless Hashes to the whims of St Peter. Subsequently Scooter Babe was heard whispering to the GM that he should stay and r*n the circle if he didn't mind going to the choir gig with Scooter Babe looking like a scragg. She went on to say, "if we were home by 7:15 I would have only one hour and fifteen minutes to get ready, unlike the GM who would only take one minute and fifteen seconds. GM now publically confesses that he can consume seven stubbies and eleven smokes while waiting for Scooter Babe to raise herself to pure glamour. What a champion our fearless leader is!

On On to the circle and the Hares copped a well deserver hammering for causing the pain that Granddad was now experiencing. Sticky Fingers unfortunately didn't have the legs to partake in the: "ONE HARE DRINKS……..ALL HARES DRINK" business and was seen to be fading fast!

We had cups this week thanks to Shithouse who drove all the was back to his local corner store in Taipa to make the purchase and told everybody at least fifteen times. Roger and Out managed a full round with no charges and was punished severally when this was discovered. Bear Down There was rewarded for not retreating to her car on an A to B r*n and it was commented than no one had ever seen Bear Down There in the circle at an A to B r*n.

It was noted that Cunter Arse Thompson was missing due to the FRB down down's going to Nasi Turd and Constant Wanker, with Double Zero Eight, Colonic Irrigation and the ever improving Mini Me in close behind.

Social drinking called and the GM and Scooter Babe with a backseat full of passengers and tredleys hanging out the trunk to resemble the Beverly Hillbillies, were gone within seconds.

As a testament to r*n 444, the OnOn meal was superb and the bill was $44 each exactly! The RA's intervention, no doubt. Stories of survival were shared over dinner and a good day was had.

Did I mention that it was the best r*n of the year?

With that load of crap out of the way and the history of r*n 444 recorded for eternity……………………………….

OnOn, Sheik MeMe