Hash 449

Scribe: Glenfiddich           Hares: Captain Cocksucker; Spit or Swallow

And so it was that a quite a large group of hashers gathered in what was the 2nd hash of the new year fulfilling new year resolutions to reach that new level of fitness and athletic performance. However being the hash this was not to be and a gym membership does seem a waste of valuable beer vouchers with the moto 'no pain no gain' being more about sprinting to make that last minute of happy hour drinking.

As the hashers quietly assembled (it had been a long night for many…) Roger & Out (dressed in a racy red tracksuit to add speed) with Maid in Macao arrived on his new 50cc Superbike – does that make 80,001 now on Macao's roads? The squeal of the engine was soon surpassed with the arrival of Shek Me Me protesting to the taxi driver over not letting him drive and later by Betty who decided not to hash due to some excuse about having to work….however it was still OK for Betty Boob's to hash in his place. Constant Wanker, St. Peter and Shek Me Me formed a pre-hash ciggie circle complaining about the Macao air quality. We were explained that if was to be an A to B, and dumped all our bags into beermaster's car (Grandad) which was formally Bolton Bollocks' car. We knew it was PGM Bolton Bollock's car as it swore every time we tried to walk pass on the left side and had a spare indicator lying in the passenger's seat which Bolton Bollocks used as a training tool to wave at unsuspecting car drivers while he drove around (which normally came with a verbal instruction…). Dick Pastry, 008 and Public Plucker arrived and soon it was time to start the briefing.

The 2 virgin hares (Albert and Cora without hash names as yet) briefed the circle on the trail with exclamations from Glennfiddich of 'in my day we only allowed 1 virgin hasher' (yeap it was the bi-annual appearance of Glennfiddich). More incoherent heckling followed amongst the hashers, more as a delay tactic on not wanting to do any serious running. The hares explained that crosses had been made to alert hashers on trails NOT to follow. The hashers looked bewildered (which is not a hard impression for the hashers to look either) as there was to be no checks! With absolutely very little markings to worry about the hashers took off. Cunter Ass Thompson quite literally took off with making an airplane flying motion as he ran down the hill. Reflecting of what the hash would become St. Peter, Constant Wanker, Shek Me Me and Glennfiddich spotted the immediate chance of a short cut and took it.
Because there were no checks things worked out fairly OK. Apparently a few front runners (who will remain anonymous – OK, just their initials St.P., SMM, GF) attempted to remove markings. Pistiferous decided that it would be fine to run a walker's spilt and walk a runner's split (which in the law of averages works out quiet fine – so he got averagely punished with down downs later in the circle). Bare down There completed her first full hash after many weeks of attempting to finish one. There were accusations that some of the hash may have been set by bike, and naturally without any request for explanation the hares also were suitability punished with several down downs later.
Not too hilly in fact, but the hares did find the other hill in Taipa causing a few of us to walk a little and enjoy the panoramic views of the high rise buildings in front of the hill – by this stage Cunter Ass Thompson had already 'flew' around the trail and was on his 2 nd beer at the B.
Down downs were aptly given (although Glennfiddich would like to mention there was a seemingly bias to punishing him for absolute no reason). Betty turned up – apparently his 'work' had finished for the day. Cleanix turned up to help Maid in Macao on the down downs although suspicion was thrown on whether a few hashers were receiving 'shandy' down downs – a full investigation is underway at present. Albert got a 'tea bag' down down for new shoes which brings a smile to many a hasher. Glennfiddich dished out a large quantity of down downs which included Bare down There for collecting him in a car the size of a Matchbox car.
The ON ON was at Tut Tut where the hashers were joined by a few others and after attempts at throwing darts at the Irish bar several hashers found themselves at the Monkey Bar, winning 1 st, 2nd and 3rd in the drinking challenge – world class athletes indeed. Rumours of 2 hashers on stage singing and one running around the club singing 'Sweet Child of Mine' are of course without any foundation….. and to next week's hash…