Hash 472: 14.6.08 : Strangers in a strange land : A Ma Temple, Macau

Hares: Pubic Plucker & Dick Pastry          Scribe: Nancy Boy

Were timid folk in The Shire. A drop of rain, or the mention of crossing the bridge to the mysterious land over the water, and were running for our holes. It may be the fear of rust, or perhaps the walkers are concerned about what they might be called if they do it in the street, but then people have been streetwalking for hundreds of years, although not many of us live that long.

So the more adventurous among us gathered at the A Ma Temple to be led through the streets by Dick & Pubic, hares for the day. It sounded terrifying, but we suppressed our fear of leaving The Shire and now we were stepping into the unknown.

The clouds hung menacingly over the island of Macau. Thunder rumbled between the towers. Smoke billowed from the great volcano. Flashes of fire and lightning cut through the dankness of the mid-afternoon smog, casting terror into our hearts, and we trembled in the presence of a power we had not encountered in our little world behind the borders of Taipa and Coloane.

Apart from that it was quite a nice day as we set off in search of a ring, but we soon realised that we had left our mobiles behind. Never mind, said Frodo & Out. I have heard that this place is full of tarts. Lets look for some of them instead, and whilst we were looking we found some rings of flour, but we didnt find any sheep, which was worrying because we had heard that Macaus other great attraction was gambolling.

We made our way along The Great Road of Barra and had passed the Orc restaurant when Lost in Space whispered to Colonic, Be careful, theres something fishy about this place, but Fishy Fingers was far behind, oblivious to the danger as she was deep in conversation with Wan Cum and Maid in Macau. Within seconds we were engulfed in a putrefying odour. We held our breath and struggled on past the dried fish stand and up a back passage where we hid for a moment and looked out for dark riders.

Whilst we were there NYPD suddenly came on some ladies who were obviously traumatised as they had removed most of their clothing. Despite their condition they were quite civil. Would you like a massage? asked one, to which NYPD replied, No, but do you know where I can find a couple of tarts to take home?

We were unfamiliar with the geography of this strange land where the Hash so rarely ventures. We were familiar with Senado Square however, but that didnt help much because we didnt go there. Once Colonic had poked around a few more back passages we arrived at a nice square on a hill surrounded by old churches, and passed the seminary where they used to store the semin.

This led us to Rua Central, or at least the flour did. Onward we sped - well we would have if we had been going fast - down the hill, along the Praia Grande, and up the road that goes past the big houses where the strange people live. We ran around there for a while, looking for orcs to fight because our courage had grown by now with all the running around. They must have all been hiding though, because we couldnt find any, but we did find a couple of very scary-looking security guards.

The guards were more frightened of us than we were of them though, and after some close questioning they told us straight away which way the hares had gone. We werent sure whether to believe them, but they looked so terrified that we took them by their word and found some flour just across the road. This led us down again to the Praia and back to the A Ma temple. On the way Frodo & Out knocked on the door of the wizard who gives him magic potions to put on his sores, but he wouldnt let us in and we didnt want to look at his sores anyway.

Nobgoblin and Hooker No Sing had heard where we had gone and were waiting for us at the temple square in case we needed to be rescued. We knew they had really come to get some free beer, but we had to humour them in case of future emergencies. Because you were brave enough to come all the way over the bridge you can have as many down-downs as you like, we said, and that made them feel very proud.

We gathered around for the circle, and because there were more ladies than men, it was all very chatty. It got so bad at times that GM Pubic had to interfere with Flora, Fishy and Maid in Macau on more than one occasion before they would shut up.

Anyway, we had lots of down-downs and then did a lot more chatting before we all decided to meet up later, back home in the Shire. We had had a very scary day but we had all made it home with lots of stories to tell our grandchildren about the day we went to Macau.

The end

Nancy Boy


Man's Best Friend

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity.

He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?'

'My wife's' said the man

'What happened to her?'

The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her.'

He inquired further, 'But, who is in the second hearse?'

The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.'

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.

'Can I borrow the dog?'

'Get in line'.